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Sarge is coming out

We always knew that the day would come when the mainstream comics would have to recognize the fact that gays exist (outside of that one lame gay guy who was Elizabeth's old boss on For Better or For Worse), but we really didn't think that it would happen with Beetle Bailey calling out Don't Ask/Don't Tell. Here's yesterday's installment:


Sarge has a dream about a topless "buff" Beetle, and then is nice to him all day, looking at him nervously from afar, as the solitary sweat drop tells us, but also confused by how strong his feelings are, as upwards pointing eyebrows tell us.

Mm-hmm, we know the feeling.

We would have let it go, if the very next day, this didn't happen:


Yes, Sarge, nervously stack those papers while avoiding the marriage question from your beard.

Oh, we hope that tomorrow Sarge starts to come out. That, of course, would make his constant violence towards Beetle far less funny.

Pure Life Ministries Repertory Theater

Oh hell yes.

Since there is absolutely no way to get enough stilted dialogue in our lives, we were so very pleased to find this little bit on our craziest-friends-ever's site. The let-down is that they're talking about watching a porno together.

Husband: Honey, not only will it enhance our lovemaking, but I won’t need to have a sex life separate from you. It will end all the sneaking around.

Wife: We are Christians, Jim, and this is wrong!

Husband: Wrong? I know of Christian therapists who suggest couples use it to improve their sex lives. How can that be wrong?

Considering that real people don't talk like this to each other while having sex, ever, we can only assume that the playwright has never had sex.

Or that she's never actually talked to anyone before.

Awaiting year's best penis joke

We're waiting here over the next few days for a copy editor at one of the major news outlets to mess up on a piece about Saddam's execution and use the word "hung" instead of "hanged". But so far all we can do is wait. Fortunately, this penis joke will be so good that someone we don't know at all has decided to start selling T-shirts based on it.

Get one for all your friends today!

Bush's privacy panel really fucking serious about privacy

From wired:

The first public meeting of a Bush administration "civil liberties protection panel" had a surreal quality to it, as the five-member board refused to answer any questions from the press, and stonewalled privacy advocates and academics on key questions about domestic spying.

Whew! We feel better already!

Right Wing News: Andrew Sullivan swings for both teams, decidedly annoying

The 2006 Warblogger Awards just came out (I'm sure you were waiting at the edges of your seats!). It's not really remarkable, they think that Michelle Malkin provides some of the best original content, when her blog seems to us to just be a bunch of blockquotes, except for the fact that Andrew Sullivan at the Daily Dish was rated the most annoying right-wing blogger and the second-most annoying left-wing blogger.

What? His obsessiveness on petty issues and then giving them immature names (like, most recently, "Mormon undies" and "gay peepees") is not endearing?

What's non-ironically surprising is that they can't decide if he's a conservative or a liberal. The man is a self-described libertarian who wrote a book with the word conservative in the title (and not in the conquer-and-destroy way, the I'm-proud-that-I'm-one way) and loves big pharma and hates non-discrimination laws, and that's all just from today.

Best AFA ActionAlert ever

Just in time for the holiday Christmas season, the AFA is bringing you an awesome ActionAlert. The target this time: Hollywood (read: Jews and gays).

It's about Charlie Sheen's character singing Joy to the World with these hilarious lyrics instead:

“Joy to the world, I’m getting laid; I’m getting laid tonight. We’ll light the yule log, deck the halls, and then we’ll play some jingle balls. It’s been a real long wait – this is our second date! It’s Christmas Eve and I’m getting laid.”

This joke is so lame that the AFA calls it "bigotry", in much the same way that a long road trip can feel like "genocide" or future Brownback filibusters will be a "war crime".

Drunk as a duck, a very, very sad duck

We're sure that at this point everyone's heard that Mallard Fillmore cartoonist Ed Tinsley has been arrested for a DUI. More importantly we learned that he's a Hoosier.

Still going....

The poll is still up. Is there a chance that whoever's in charge of that over there is somehow unable to think about about anything besides the midterms and The L-Word? And why do they still have a column about World Pride up from June?

Malkin to Rosie: "Can't we just get along? And can't your people just die?"

Michelle "PC Chief of Police" Malkin takes aim at Rosie "Founder, Leader, and Center of Leftist Politics" O'Donnell's Chinese performance on The "We Would Watch It If The Price is Right Weren't So Much More Entertaining" View. Watch the clip here:



While she's no Michael Richards, "The Female Robin Williams" even managed to offend us. Then again, we're pretty easily offended.

Malkin, on the other hand, comes away a winner by showing that a raisin of humanity lives in her cold, cold heart with a good college try at a Critical Race Theory style narrative:

I knew exactly what the third-graders who used to say the same things to me on the playground intended to do. Moronic mockery is a universal language.

(That was the longest quotation we could get before she enveloped those feelings in the darkness of her soul and descended back to petty insults. But at least she tried.)

Now while it's generally impossible to question Malkin's motives, fair-and-balanced-ness calls us to remember that she just plain doesn't like the gays.

Christmas Reading: Paged Heat

The full 104 pages of dirty Foley IMs have joined the ranks of the US Constitution and Shakespeare's plays in the land of public domain. The House Ethics Panel is a whole lot more generous than ABC in what they'll show, but you'll have to read them to actually find out (spoiler: Page #1 actually measured, but we think he started the ruler at his anus).

So who out there is going to be the first to transcribe all of the IMs from pdf to text and upload them into Nifty?

They won't stop till every non-Christian is squashed

The folks at Red State are calling up a gaggle of retailers to see what their policy is on customer greetings. Not a single one so far has said that they aren't allowing "Merry Christmas", with responses ranging from apathy to frenzied indecision. But that's not good enough:

What strikes me from these responses are the ways in which the companies genuflect in the direction of alter of “diversity.”

You see, it wouldn't be good enough if every employee of every retailer said "Merry Christmas" to every customer because this isn't about Christmas. It's about making sure that every non-Christian is reminded every time they leave their houses that they are different so that they don't get too uppity. And that's the true spirit of the season.

Justin Lookadoo, here's looking at you!

After seeing that the New Life Church's leadership proves that Protestant clergy is just as gay as Catholic, we find out that gayness among Evangelicals gets even funnier. Ex-Gay Watch warns us about some nefarious plan for Exodus International to recruit Christian kids for gay bashing, and upon following the link, we find a montage of face pics more gay than any we've seen on DList. Check it out here.

We're interested in this Justin Lookadoo, motivational speaker and author of like 100 books about teen dating. Do visit his page. We learned a lot of things there, like:

• He's from El Paso, and he considers living in Mexico his "coolest experience"
  
  
• He has "closet friends", either friends who are in the closet or from when he was in the closet
  
  
• Two of his favorite singers are totally gay
  
  
• He has make-up tips for girls, and calls Cristina Aguilera "trasky"... Cat fight!
  
  
• He faces the day ass-first
  
  
• He has a "he male strut which works on the women", he wants to be one of the Village People, he's riding an imaginary bull and slapping it's ass.... God, we can't point out the gay subtext and make it funny when it's a gay super-text. Come out already!
  

God joins War on Christmas, and so does the wind

Apparently this has gone too far:

Also on Monument Circle, a nativity scene on the lawn of Christ Church Cathedral was damaged by Friday's strong winds.

We can't possibly keep up with the entire War on Christmas, but we really thought we could count on God and Bill O'Reilly to be on Christmas's side.

The gods smile on those who use lube

This column on the AFA's webpage calls anyone crazy who doesn't buy into "classical values". Of course, Brian Fahling doesn't seem to realize that "classical" generally refers to Hellenic Greece and Imperialistic Rome, and from what we remember of ninth-grade history and the Symposium, they meant orgies, gay gay gay sex with boys, and vomitoriums. These are the people whose contributions to American culture include going Greek and Roman coffee.