BREAKING: SOMETHING NOT LIKE A PENIS AT ALL MAKES A GAY MAN THINK OF A PENIS

Or something like that.

I once went out with a guy who called his penis “Jackson.” Out of nowhere, he’d say, “Jackson likes this,” or “Jackson likes that,” as if the appendage were actually a separate entity. It didn’t take long for Jackson, his handler, and me to part company, and not just because I wasn’t interested in three-ways. Jackson was the only part of him that wasn’t ashamed to be gay. I thought of Jackson when evangelical leader Ted Haggard and his three-year relationship with a gay hooker made the headlines.

Actually, the column is a pretty good read. We whole-heartedly agree that Pastor Ted should be welcomed with more than open arms into the gay community.